


Pieces of a Life

by nekosmuse_archive (nekosmuse)



Category: Big Wolf on Campus
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 05:48:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16340942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nekosmuse/pseuds/nekosmuse_archive
Summary: Written pre 2005. Posting for archival purposes. No clue what it's about. Possibly drunken college sex. Yes, let's go with that.





	Pieces of a Life

He's drunk the first time he brings it up.

Tommy dragged him to a party that wasn't really his scene, telling Merton that he had to get out and experience college life if he expected to have any fun. Merton agreed only to keep Tommy from pouting.

The party ended up being lame; nothing more than frat boys and kegs. Several kegs, actually, but Merton stuck to the punch, not really wanting Tommy's full college experience. It wasn't until later, the room growing hazy, Merton feeling strangely giddy, that he began to suspect that the punch might have been spiked.

Later still, Merton thrown over Tommy's shoulder as Tommy carried him back to their dorm room, Merton concluded that his hypothesis regarding the punch was, indeed, accurate.

He expected Tommy to be angry at Merton's drunkenness, but he wasn't. Wasn't anything but patient, slightly amused and Merton asked if Tommy planned on making this a regular thing. Tommy's answer was a shake of the head. Merton's response a soft smile.

He's still not sure how they got on the topic of Gothic culture --although he suspects it was probably his doing-- but one minute Tommy was hovering, watching Merton for signs that Merton might be further gone that Tommy originally suspected and the next he was sitting next to Merton on the bed, shoulders pressed together as they talk about literature, of all things.

Tommy tells him about a book he read in the seventh grade, one of the few novels he's bothered to read on his own. Merton tells Tommy about the works of Walpole and how his writing is considered one of the defining parameters of the Gothic genre.

He even quotes a line or two from The Castle of Otranto, rambling excitedly about the partial copy he managed to find online.

Tommy smiles and listens and doesn't bring up the college experience again.

~*~

Tommy's strangely nervous when he hands over the package, poorly wrapped, but Merton's too excited to care.

He's already given Tommy his gift; a bound copy of his thesis entitled Lycanthropy: the Modern American Werewolf that earned Merton a free ride to grad school. Tommy smiled upon opening it, running his fingers across the slightly embossed lettering on the cover before tucking it into his carryon bag, promising to read it on his flight.

A second later he was pulling a package out from beneath his bed, handing it over with shaking hands and Merton found himself grinning as he reached out to accept it.

He's still grinning, his own hands shaking almost as badly as Tommy's had, accidentally tearing the paper in the process and as soon as Merton realizes what he's holding, his grin fades.

He has no idea where Tommy managed to find a first edition copy of The Castle of Otranto. A few years ago one showed up on eBay, the price skyrocketing to well over a grand within the first ten minutes. He knows Tommy doesn't have that kind of money, his football scholarship barely covering his expenses as it is, and Merton finds himself glancing up, making eye contact, his confusion obvious.

Tommy merely shrugs, mumbles something about calling in a favour and Merton tries not to cry at the gesture.

Later, halfway across the Atlantic ocean, Merton pulls it out, flips open the first page and starts reading, wondering if he'll ever see Tommy again.

~*~

The first few years pass by in a blur, Merton so emerged in study that he doesn't have time to think about the life he left behind, let alone what Tommy's doing.

Tommy emails, calls occasionally, but Merton's usually too preoccupied to notice whenever Tommy misses a call, or doesn't send an email. Besides, he has his book, the musty smell that he once associated with learning now associated with Tommy, so it's not like he's forgotten.

~*~

He's three months into a PhD when his phone rings, Tommy on the other side of the line telling Merton to pick him up at the airport and Merton doesn't hesitate before grabbing his keys and dashing out the door.

He's gotten pretty good at navigating the maze of streets in Edinburgh, so it takes him next to no time to make it to the airport, park and find Tommy inside. Tommy looks exactly like he did the day Merton left, the years not touching him and it's not until Tommy starts forward, grin plastered across his face, that Merton realizes he's limping.

He doesn't ask, instead letting Tommy pull him into a hug, inhaling the soft scent of Tommy's cologne and he smells nothing like Merton's book. Merton doesn't question that either, instead leading Tommy home.

Tommy stays for six days.

On the night of the third day, Merton emerges from his shower to find Tommy staring at him. He doesn't hesitate before crossing the room, towel sliding to the floor as he drags Tommy into the bedroom.

~*~

He defends his thesis on a Thursday.

Flies out of Edinburgh on the following Monday.

Tommy picks him up at the airport.

~*~

He wasn't planning on moving in with Tommy; it just kind of happened.

He's spent three weeks living at Tommy's, sleeping in Tommy's bed, getting up in the mornings to search for work on Tommy's computer, before finally finding his own place.

Two days before he was supposed to pick up the keys, Tommy asked him to stay.

Merton didn't hesitate before picking up the phone, calling the apartment complex and cancelling his application, losing his deposit in the process.

Two weeks later his thesis was accepted, paper work fully processed and Merton landed a job teaching at Amherst. A month later their belongings were packed in a truck and Merton once again found himself on a plane, Tommy sitting next to him.

They bought a house, Tommy's suggestion, despite the fact that Tommy had to quit his job to follow Merton here and Merton has yet to receive a pay cheque. Still, it's theirs, barren of furniture because the few pieces Tommy had in his apartment only fill one of the floors.

Merton doesn't mind.

~*~

His fourth book is accepted for publication three days before his thirty-eighth birthday. Incidentally, that's twelve days before his and Tommy's tenth anniversary.

Friends of theirs are planning on throwing a combination party, something to mark all three events, but all Merton really wants is to celebrate the occasions at home, alone, with Tommy.

Still, it's a big deal, and they've gone all out, making the entire event a paranormal costume party --so that Tommy can come in wolf form, if he wants, and not feel out of place. Merton finds it marginally amusing that it's his research that has led to people's acceptance of who, and what, Tommy is.

He convinces Tommy to hold their own celebration a few days early, Tommy grinning before picking Merton up, throwing him over his shoulder and Merton has half a second to realize that this was how it all began, before Tommy's starting up the stairs, not stopping until he makes it into their bedroom.

Merton doesn't complain about being unceremoniously dumped onto the bed.

~*~

He's reading, curled up in his favourite chair, poring over what is easily his favourite book --and Tommy still smiles when he sees Merton engrossed in it-- when Tommy tramps in through the front door, letting it fall shut behind him with a clatter that nearly sends Merton sprawling out of his chair.

He catches himself just in time, expression guarded as he makes his way into the hall, spotting Tommy and Merton can't remember the last time he saw Tommy look so angry. His eyes are flecked in yellow, ears slightly pointed and Merton steps forward, placing a calming hand on Tommy's arm before silently asking him what's wrong.

Tommy releases a breath before telling Merton that he's been dismissed, too old to continue teaching high school gym classes and Merton has to bite his lip from agreeing.

Telling Tommy that he should have retired years ago.

Instead he makes soothing noises, leads Tommy into the living room, plants him on the couch and goes about convincing him that retirement isn't all bad.

Four days later, Merton aching from activity meant for people half his age, Tommy finally agrees that, maybe, spending his days at home isn't so bad after all.

~*~

He becomes aware of his mortality on a sunny morning in early spring.

It wasn't that he'd never thought about it --years of fighting monsters at Tommy's side has given him more than enough insight into what his death might be like-- but this is different.

This is age and life nipping at his heels and Merton doesn't have control over this. Doesn't have a choice in this and it's not until the doctors finally enter his hospital room, Tommy springing to his feet, nervous tension so obvious that Merton's surprised he doesn't tremble with it, that Merton finally lets himself relax.

He's not going to die. At least, not any time soon.

Four days later they release him into Tommy's hovering hands and Merton finds himself wondering exactly how much of the future he has left.

~*~

The change is gradual. So much so that he doesn't really notice. At least, not at first.

He's reading when it first dawns on him, the words blurring across the page and after blinking several times to no avail, Merton finally admits that maybe this is the first thing to go.

He's not sad, per se --he has, after all, led an amazing life so far-- but the thought of not being able to read, not being able to stare into Tommy's eyes, is too depressing for words.

He hides his slow vision loss from Tommy for six weeks.

Suspects Tommy knew right away, but Tommy doesn't say anything until Merton runs head first into a wall he's passed more times than he can count. Even then Tommy's words are simple, telling Merton that there are advantages to heightening his other senses, something Tommy would know and Merton learns to memorize Tommy's features with his fingertips.

Tommy's still beautiful.

~*~

He can tell when Tommy's about to wolf-out, just from the slight hitch in his breathing, the way his skin ripples under Merton's touch. The process is painful now, but Tommy never complains. Merton can sense it, though, feel it as surely as he can feel the small lines around the corners of Tommy's eyes.

Tommy tells him not to worry, that wolfing-out is all he has left, his libido long since vanishing and Merton can't help but laugh at that. He wishes there was some way he could show Tommy his arousal. Settles on kissing Tommy instead, whispering his want against Tommy's lips.

If someone had told him that he'd come to enjoy cuddling more than sex, he probably wouldn't have believed them. He finds it almost funny how quickly that changed. How quickly everything changed and some days he has a hard time remembering what it was like before. Remembering all the moments that led up to now and it's not until Tommy shifts, drawing them up to the head of the bed that he remembers.

He remembers falling in love with Tommy, as far back as high school, but it took him years to admit it. Years to do something about it and Tommy once told him that he'd waited just as long.

He remembers building a life together; the laughter, the fights, the battles, both physical and emotional. Remembers every detail with perfect clarity and it's not until he feels Tommy thumb brush against his cheek that he realizes he's crying.

"It's okay," he tells Tommy, sniffing against the sudden emotion and even without touching Merton can tell he's frowning. "They're good memories," he clarifies, feeling Tommy relax beneath him.

He feels Tommy shift a second time, hears the distinct click of the bedside lamp being turned on and Merton has half a second to be mournful about not being able to see the light when another memory surfaces.

"You remember that book you bought me, before I left for grad school?" he asks, bringing a hand up to touch Tommy's face, fingers gliding over Tommy's cheek.

"Yeah. I had it hidden under my bed for years before I found an excuse to give it to you," Tommy confesses, Merton momentarily surprised by the admission.

"I must have read that book a hundred times since you gave it to me. It's still my favourite," Merton continues, hand drifting to Tommy's lips, taking in Tommy's soft smile.

"You raved about it for over an hour. I kind of figured it was important to you," Tommy replies, chuckling softly and Merton resists the urge to protest, tell Tommy that he was drunk for the first time and hence can't be held accountable for his actions.

He doesn't, instead laughing alongside Tommy, Tommy growing suddenly quiet and Merton's halfway to questioning Tommy's sudden mood change when Tommy shifts, sliding out from beneath Merton's weight to climb off the bed.

"Stay here," Tommy says, Merton nodding, suddenly curious and it's not until Tommy returns, his side of the bed once again chilly, that Merton realizes where he went.

He can smell the musk of the book long before Tommy places it in his hands. It still reminds him of Tommy and Merton smiles, hugging it to his chest, wishing he could read it just one more time.

"You want me to start with the sonnet?" Tommy asks, slipping back into the bed, pulling Merton to his chest and Merton glances over, finding nothing, but nodding all the same.

"I didn't think you'd read it," he says, Tommy chuckling once again.

"I've skimmed it. It's not bad," he responds, taking the book from Merton's hands, flipping it open to the first page, giving Merton a chance to settle against him before beginning.

He's halfway through the sonnet before Merton drifts to sleep, the words coming like instinct, resurfacing from long buried memory and suddenly they no longer matter. 

It's never been about the book. It's always been about them.


End file.
